Neurodivergence coaching

Coaching after a late-autism diagnosis - and for AuDHD

A late-autism diagnosis in your 30s, 40s, 50s or beyond is rarely the tidy ending you might have been hoping for. It is more often a doorway into a new understanding of yourself, and into a set of questions you have probably never had the language for before. Who have I been? Who am I underneath all the masking? What did my life cost me? What do I actually want now that I know?

If you have recently been diagnosed as autistic or AuDHD, both autistic and ADHD, and you are trying to work out what happens next, this is the work I do. Therapy-informed coaching that holds the whole experience of late identification - the identity rewrite, the grief, the unmasking, the burnout, the practical questions about work and relationships, and the slow business of building a life that actually fits the brain and nervous system you have.

I work in a neuroaffirming way. The goal is not to become less autistic or better at masking. The goal is a life that does not require you to.

Why late-autism diagnosis in women has been so missed

Autism was studied, defined and diagnosed for decades almost entirely in boys. The picture the world has of "autistic" - a young, male, usually white, visibly different child - bears almost no resemblance to how autism often presents in girls and women. As a result, generations of autistic women have grown up:

  • Being labelled anxious, shy, sensitive, intense, perfectionist, "too much" or "not enough"
  • Being told they could not possibly be autistic because they make eye contact, have friends, or have careers
  • Being misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, OCD, eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, or bipolar disorder - sometimes for decades
  • Becoming expert maskers, often without realising they were doing it, paying an enormous and invisible energy cost
  • Reaching breaking point - often in midlife around perimenopause or after burnout - before anyone finally looked properly

Diagnosis at this stage of life is not just clinical paperwork. It is, in the most literal sense, a reframe of your entire history. That deserves space and proper support, and very little in the formal NHS pathway makes room for it.

AuDHD: what it is and why it matters

AuDHD is shorthand for being both autistic and ADHD. It is increasingly recognised that the overlap is significant, but historically the two diagnoses were treated as mutually exclusive. Many women receive one diagnosis, then realise years later that the other applies too.

Being AuDHD is not simply autism plus ADHD. The two neurotypes pull in different directions, and living at their intersection is its own distinct experience:

  • Internal contradiction - craving routine and craving novelty; needing rest and being driven by stimulation; deep focus on one thing and scattered across many
  • Masking on multiple fronts - performing both neurotypical social behaviour and conventional executive function, often simultaneously
  • Burnout cycles - periods of intense productivity followed by collapse, often misread as laziness or lack of resilience
  • Sensory and nervous system load - high sensitivity combined with seeking, often leaving you both overwhelmed and under-stimulated
  • Identity confusion - strategies that work for ADHD do not always work for autism, and vice versa, which can leave you feeling like nothing works

Many AuDHD women describe finally getting the second diagnosis as a relief - the contradiction makes sense, finally. Others describe it as another wave of grief. Often both, in different weeks.

Who this coaching is for

This coaching is for women who have recently been diagnosed as autistic, AuDHD, or who are self-identifying. You might be:

  • In the first weeks or months after diagnosis and overwhelmed by what it has stirred up
  • A year or more in and still working through what it means, particularly for work, relationships and identity
  • Self-identifying, on a waiting list, or partway through an assessment and wanting support now rather than later
  • Diagnosed first with ADHD, now realising you are also autistic, or vice versa, and trying to make sense of AuDHD specifically
  • Deep in autistic burnout and trying to work out what recovery actually looks like
  • Starting to unmask and finding it harder, not easier, than expected
  • Re-examining your career, relationships or lifestyle in light of what you now know about yourself
  • Navigating autism or AuDHD alongside perimenopause or menopause, with hormone changes making everything noisier

Although I primarily work with people who identify as cis women, my coaching is open to anyone whose experience of autism or AuDHD has been shaped by being read as a woman or AFAB. Whatever your gender or identity, if my approach resonates, you are welcome to book a discovery call.

What coaching after a late-autism or AuDHD diagnosis looks like

The first few sessions: making sense

Most clients arrive with a lot to unload, sometimes for the first time in their lives, with someone who actually gets it. Early sessions are usually about making space for that: joining dots between your diagnosis and your real life, your real history, your real exhaustion.

We will not be applying a generic autism or AuDHD profile to you. Each neurodivergent person is different, and a lot of the early work is building your own understanding of how it shows up for you - your sensory profile, your social experience, the things that drain you, the things that bring you back to yourself, the patterns of masking and burnout that have shaped your life so far.

Middle sessions: unmasking, recovery, recalibration

From there, the work moves into what shifts. For many women this is the unmasking work - slowly, safely, on your terms. Unmasking is not a switch you flip. It is the gradual, often uncomfortable process of working out who you are when you are not performing, and what that means for the relationships, jobs and habits built around the masked version.

For AuDHD women, this stage often involves working with the internal contradictions rather than trying to resolve them - building lives that hold both the need for structure and the need for novelty, both the deep focus and the wandering attention, both the high sensitivity and the seeking. Burnout recovery is also often a major theme: rebuilding nervous system capacity that has been depleted for years or decades.

Later sessions: building

Towards the end of a block of sessions, the work often becomes about consolidating: what kind of life and work actually fit you, what you want to test, what conversations you want to have, what you want to protect. Some clients stop here, some extend. Many move into more specific work alongside this, perhaps career change, menopause work, or life transition coaching.

My background and approach

I have specialist training in autism through The Autistic Advocate's Inside of Autism programme, which is autistic-led and rigorously neuroaffirming, and in autism, AuDHD and ADHD through Free2BeMe's Certificate in Neuroaffirming Practice. I also hold training in working with neurodiversity and eating disorders (NEDDE), an important area given how often autistic and AuDHD women are misdiagnosed with or co-experience eating issues.

Alongside this neurodivergence training, I am an EMCC Global Accredited Senior Practitioner in Coaching and a BACP-accredited counsellor and clinical supervisor. A late autism or AuDHD diagnosis often surfaces material that pure performance coaching simply cannot hold: identity grief, masking-related trauma, decades of misattribution, complex burnout. I can sit with all of it therapeutically, while still doing genuinely forward-focused coaching.

I have particular expertise in how autism and AuDHD intersect with hormonal transitions - perimenopause, menopause, and conditions like POI and PMDD. This intersection is significantly under-served, and I have spoken about hormones and neurodivergence for the Clearly Clinical professional development podcast, including "Brains and Bodies: Neurodivergence and Hormonal Change Across the AFAB Lifespan".

Late-autism and AuDHD diagnosis FAQs

I was just diagnosed and I feel completely upended. Is it too soon to start coaching?

No, for many women, the early weeks and months are exactly when good support helps most. There is a lot stirred up and very little guidance on what to do with it. We will not rush you towards action. The early work is often just having a space where you can think out loud about what is happening, with someone who is not going to need you to mask or perform.

I am self-identifying or on a waiting list. Can I still work with you?

Yes. Self-identification is widely accepted as valid, particularly for women, whose autism and AuDHD are routinely missed by services not designed with them in mind. Assessment waiting lists are long, private assessments are expensive, and not everyone wants a formal diagnosis for many reasons. If you think you are autistic or AuDHD, that is enough to start.

What is the difference between this and autism coaching focused on workplace strategies?

Workplace-focused autism coaching tends to focus on practical strategies: structuring tasks, managing sensory environments, navigating relationships with colleagues. That work is valuable and we can include that in our work. But the bigger piece for many late-diagnosed women is the identity, grief, unmasking and burnout work, which needs a coach who can hold it. That is where my therapy training matters.

Will you push me to unmask?

No. Unmasking is your decision, on your timeline, in the contexts where it feels safe. For many autistic women, masking has been a survival strategy in unsafe environments, and dropping it indiscriminately is not the goal. We will work on understanding your masking, knowing when and where it is costing you, if there are situations it might even benefit you in terms of feeling safe, and what the impact of that might be, and supporting you to make deliberate, informed choices as to what mask to let down, when and where.

I am AuDHD. Most coaches focus on one or the other. Can you work with both?

Yes, and this is one of my areas of focus. I have specialist training in both autism and ADHD, and I work with your lived experience of AuDHD rather than treating it as two separate things stacked on top of each other. The contradiction and complexity is the work.

Are you autistic yourself?

I am late-diagnosed ADHD, and I recognise autistic traits in my own experience - I describe myself as self-identified AuDHD. If you specifically want a formally diagnosed, late-identified autistic coach, that is a completely valid preference and there are excellent ones working in the UK. If what you are looking for is a coach who has done the work of making sense of her own neurodivergence, who has deep neuroaffirming training, who is also a qualified therapist and clinical supervisor, and who can sit with the whole experience of late identification without flinching, that is what I bring. The discovery call is a chance to work out whether I am the right fit for you.

My autism or AuDHD became clearer during perimenopause. Is that connected?

Almost certainly. Falling oestrogen during perimenopause can strip away the coping strategies that had been masking autism and ADHD for decades. It is one of the common reasons women come to assessment in midlife. We can work with both together rather than trying to separate them.

Can you help with autistic burnout?

Yes. Autistic burnout - the deep, often years-long depletion that comes from sustained masking and over-extension - is a major theme in much of my work. Recovery is not a productivity question; it is a nervous system question. We will work with what your system actually needs rather than pushing you back into the patterns that depleted you in the first place.

How long do people usually work with you?

Most clients start with a block of six sessions, every one or two weeks. Many continue beyond that, especially when the diagnosis is recent or when other transitions are running alongside it. We will talk about what is likely to suit you on your discovery call.

Is the coaching online?

Yes, sessions are online via Zoom or by telephone. Many autistic and AuDHD clients prefer online for sensory reasons, energy reasons, and because they might feel most comfortable attending our sessions in their own space. Online or telephone coaching removes the energy cost of travel and the social load of in-person meetings.

Related coaching

A late autism or AuDHD diagnosis often sits alongside other transitions. You can read more about:

Ready to talk?

I offer a free 30-minute discovery call so we can explore whether coaching feels like the right support for you right now. You do not need to be articulate, organised, or sure about what you want. "I was just diagnosed and I want to talk to someone who gets it" is a completely valid place to start. So is "I think I am autistic, I have not told anyone, and I want a confidential conversation about it".

Book a discovery call or get in touch to ask a question.